Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?

Fear is a strange thing, people are afraid of all sorts of things; heights, spiders, clowns, going outside, staying inside, clowns, snakes,flying, death and pretty much anything else inbetween.  Why are we afraid?  Biologically adrenaline has something to do with it, a racing heart makes us feel frightened, but why do we feel afraid.  Most fear is irrational, clowns wont hurt you, small spiders can't harm you, being inside, being outside, why do these things make us afraid?   A famous quote states "the only thing we have to fear is fear it'self" and this lead me to think about what fear is rational.  I know since being ill I am more afraid, of everything; being alone, stupid scary films I didnt used to bat and eyelid at and all manner of other things.  But mainly I am afraid of missing out.  To sound selfish, I dont want to lose out on my future.  Lots of people get sick my age and younger, but I dont want to go anywhere!  I took time for granted and it appears that none of us know...I am sure with time I won't think about it every day.  Cancer patient or victim, which is it to be.  I dont want to be a victim, I want to fight.  I dont want to give up my goddaughter to anyone else, my best friend, my job and it breaks my heart to think but my boyfriend.  I could lose him anyway, but I want the chance to fight.  Every pain, every twinge instils me with real fear.
So how are we afraid of all these things if the only thing we should be afraid of is fear.  Fear is a powerful emotion, it can be so crippling, life changing and irrational which means overcoming it is not easy.  Having never been afraid of much in the past it makes it a little harder to overcome.  I have known people with real fears and havent been able to understand it all.  Now I am afraid every day, it is a little clearer; and being afraif of fear is the least of my worries.