Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?

Fear is a strange thing, people are afraid of all sorts of things; heights, spiders, clowns, going outside, staying inside, clowns, snakes,flying, death and pretty much anything else inbetween.  Why are we afraid?  Biologically adrenaline has something to do with it, a racing heart makes us feel frightened, but why do we feel afraid.  Most fear is irrational, clowns wont hurt you, small spiders can't harm you, being inside, being outside, why do these things make us afraid?   A famous quote states "the only thing we have to fear is fear it'self" and this lead me to think about what fear is rational.  I know since being ill I am more afraid, of everything; being alone, stupid scary films I didnt used to bat and eyelid at and all manner of other things.  But mainly I am afraid of missing out.  To sound selfish, I dont want to lose out on my future.  Lots of people get sick my age and younger, but I dont want to go anywhere!  I took time for granted and it appears that none of us know...I am sure with time I won't think about it every day.  Cancer patient or victim, which is it to be.  I dont want to be a victim, I want to fight.  I dont want to give up my goddaughter to anyone else, my best friend, my job and it breaks my heart to think but my boyfriend.  I could lose him anyway, but I want the chance to fight.  Every pain, every twinge instils me with real fear.
So how are we afraid of all these things if the only thing we should be afraid of is fear.  Fear is a powerful emotion, it can be so crippling, life changing and irrational which means overcoming it is not easy.  Having never been afraid of much in the past it makes it a little harder to overcome.  I have known people with real fears and havent been able to understand it all.  Now I am afraid every day, it is a little clearer; and being afraif of fear is the least of my worries.


  1. horrible to be scared all the time, I feel like it about my lovely daughter, silly fears, will she get run over? be abducted? die? get sick? I hate fears like that, and like yours. sort of intangible and yet you can't avoid or ascape them like you can spiders, wolves, small spaces...

    I hope that you can learn some coping techniques and feel brighter soon, I'll come visit and make you laugh! Can we stay at yours? or will I need tent? I'll check for a free weekend V. Soon!

  2. ((Hugs)) i think sometimes your body makes you feel fear to let you know you're still alive, or something! xxx

  3. HUGS.

    If you can get a book called heal your life by louise hayes. It has really helped a lot of people. Maybe it will help you with the coping.

    Hang in there.

  4. (((hugs))) to you, it's sure is a lot to deal with...

    I once was very privileged to know a lady called Vanessa Kyte, she was my boss's wife, sadly I can not claim friendship with her although we met several times and I joined her to "run" the Race for Life twice. She was an incredible strong lady who refused to let her cancer get in the way of what she wanted to achieve. With her sister they raised 10's of thousands for the cancer unit at the Royal United Hospital in Bath, she was on the TV program "Mummy Diaries" and sadly she died on the day the last program was broadcast. That was a brilliant series...
    I have a lump in my throat typing this thinking of her.

    Find out everything you can that might help you and leave no stone unturned, use your fear positively to enable this.

    Appreciate and validate your feelings towards those you love today and do fight, it's good to hear you want too.

    Take each day as it comes, one day at a time...

    (((hugs))) again

  5. I used to feel like this so i can sympathise. Dad died when i was 15 so then i was almost permanently scared that everyone else i loved would die. then i had children and I was scared, watched my first daughter breathing in her sleep and dare not sleep myself. I had a stroke and spent a while after that afraid that i was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off again.
    i do not know what has changed, but i do know that not being afraid all the time is like breathing fully and deeply, letting go, savouring the moment. i hope you are able to do this soon x Sarah (@llamacroft on twitter)

  6. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I wish I had a magic answer. I do know that many of us are plagued by fears, some of them irrational, some of them very normal. Like Tattooed_mummy I have mini-panic attacks about stuff happening to my children, or to me so that I wasn't here for my children, and a million other teeny tiny niggles which stress me out daily.

    All I think you can do is take it one day at a time. If this doesn't work and you find yourself becoming more and more anxious, then seek help. Macmillan, you GP, or your local hospital will be able to guide you towards some extra support to help you face and work through this sense of fear.

  7. Hi b.,
    I cannot believe that you are afraid, maybe, you are encoring a period where feeling are stronger and deeper. You will came out of this, and then, you will be stronger that before. (but not stronger than me, of course :-) )